This post is about attraction. I believe that people attract others depending on how or what type of person they are themselves. If you are a politician, chances are the people in your circle or general area have something to do with politics as well. This brings us to the crazy part. Crazy people attract other crazy people.
How do I know this. Well it wasn't until recently when my BM and I were having a conversation about it. Now, know that, clinically, she is "Crazy". She wasn't recently diagnosed with not one but two psychological disorders; disorders that she has to take medications for. All this time I thought she was being unsupportive, controlling, obsessive, and one sided. Things like getting upset with me for doing something when she already did it in the past, or expecting no repercussions for her actions or even denying they happened. I would always be like "you're fucking crazy!!". Who knew how right I actually was.
Let's get this out of the way. I am crazy. I haven't been officially diagnosed but I've taken two psychology classes and a couple of tests. I have concluded that I have something. Not too serious, so far anyway, but I also don't want to be taking crazy pills the rest of my life either. If you asked any of my ex-girlfriends including my BM they waould also say the same thing.
Which brings me to my point. I always wondered why it seemed I attracted all these clingy emotional females, being the exact opposite myself. It is because I am crazy like they are, but stronger. One person instinctively recognizes another person with similar attributes and is attracted to that. There are also many levels of instability. Naturally if someone was completely out of it they would be locked up in an asylum but there are plenty of people walking around everyday, not so crazy that they can't interact in normal situations, but not entirely there either.
All of my exes are crazy. My BM is the first to succeed in causing me serious bodily harm ( she stabbed me in the kidney with a barbecue spatula, it didn't hurt and I only bled a little ) but many have tried. I have been shot at, hit with a car and almost run down with one, almost stabbed with many different objects, kicked in the golden era, jumped ( 3 dudes and I still won) false police reports, a girl tried to set my apartment on fire, and smothered with a pillow. Each of my girlfriends has always had some type of childhood trauma: crack head mom or dad, molestation, abandonment, parents killed, etc. (I myself was beaten and abused by my mother's ex-husband). So I began to ask, why do I attract all the unstable women. Its simple, because I myself am unstable.
Note that though I have never laid my hands on a woman like that ( I did grab one by the neck and pick her up for trying to stab me, and pushed another to the ground to stop her from punching me in my face) so I do exercise some form of control over my anti-social personality disorder. I normally don't feel fear or compassion. I don't get sad or feel sorry for others either. I pretty much just get angry or laugh. Other than that I feel neutral, and I have been like this since I was at least 17. People always say I am emotionless when I think I'm just using my head and not my heart. Maybe they are right. Many considered me a loner when I was in high school because I never ran with any particular crowd, and to this day I don't normally kick it with any more than one or two people (preferably women) on a daily basis.
So what is the point of this blog? I just though I would use my self and my relationships as proof that we ourselves are responsible for what happens to us. WE can control it and we create it. i always blame myself and take full responsibility for what happens, or doesn't happen, in my life.
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